Reviving The Blog

I haven't posted here in a few years, having been busy with my own kids and nannying for two families around the time my blog began. I'm proud to report we've bought a home and have had yet another little one. He's a year old now, and life is settling into a familiar and pleasant pattern. There are five children now, and I'm feeling pretty blessed to have my family. I'm also proud to report that I have come through the fires of depression, and have been living life in full for the first time in a decade.
I've decided to come back to blogging, and I want to stick to my original plan here, mom life and product reviews. So I hope if I have any readers left you'll stick around because this blog is no longer dead, and I'm looking forward to seeing it grow. I expect to post at least a few times a week from here out, and I will also host the occasional giveaway. I review close to 100 new products each year, so there's bound to be something for everyone. So I hope you enjoy my blog, and if you don't that's cool too. I'm an acquired taste. 😁

On Surviving Valentine's Day

This is a shitty day for me every year. Well, at least since 2011. I found out my daughter had hydrops on Valentine's Day 4 years ago and that she would not survive the congenital conditions that were co morbid to it. Its not hard to see how that could cast a dullness over this day of Hallmark celebration.
Recently I have been dealing with a lot of guilt and anger over her death and it has put me in bad headspace. At the encouragement of my husband and friends, I have been pushing myself to keep my mind elsewhere, giving myself her Stillbirthday to fall apart. That day is Wednesday, and is a post for another time, a stronger time.
So this Valentine's Day rolls around and sees me grumped out on the couch and ready to strike at the wrong look, admittedly my usual approach to the day. It is hard to see others happy when you are withering up on the inside, and no, that doesn't make me bitter. My husband, dear soul, refused to allow my sadness to over take me this year. He came home with a single red carnation and a bag of Hershey's hugs because "You need a hug, my love." I couldn't have married a more perfect person. Such a small gesture, but enough to show me he respected my sadness and wanted to say he loved me. It ended up turning my mood around somewhat.
Next thing you know, The Tula happens. Tula is a baby carrier, a very fancy shmancy one. I babywear our Peanut, so it is a lovely gift. Not only is it a Tula, but a half wrap conversion Natibaby Rainbow Cogs. Now there's this saying, the baby you have after a loss is your Rainbow baby. I don't think he fully grasped how special of a gift it was, although he knew I had a mom crush on the wrap itself. As it so happens, he found it by accident online and as silly as it sounds, it felt like permission to be happy. After my daughter passed I saw rainbows EVERYWHERE. It became a healing thing, seeing a rainbow made me think of her. Our little Peanut was due the same day as she was, and on her birthday that year we saw a rainbow in the sky- in the middle of February. It was like a sign from her that he would be okay. He was, although 6 weeks early. Again, a rainbow the day he was born. So having a rainbow Tula to carry my Rainbow Peanut in is cathartic for me, in the best way possible.   Its a wonderful gift and a sweet reminder to hold my living children very close, and how can you get any closer than babywearing? These thoughts got me through the day, making it the first Valentine's Day I have gotten through without a total meltdown.
Given how sweet he had been all day, and how much thought he had put into cheering me up, I decided to try to get into the spirit of the day and pull out some of my lingerie. Well let me tell you, after 4 children things just don't fit like they used to. I sure did manage to lace myself up into that itty bitty corset, but the resulting downward squish of my chub was pretty tragic... I stood there laughing, as much as one could without being able to breathe, after having spent 20 minutes or so wrangling all my jiggly bits into it. Unfortunately that laughter was quickly followed by panic when I realized the metal clasp in the very middle was stuck tight. I can imagine from an outside point of view this would have been hilarious, given that I ended up having to lie on the bathroom floor and stop breathing for a few minutes to get it undone.
All in all, it was a good day. Admittedly, today I feel guilty for having enjoyed it. I don't know if that is "normal" or not, but it is true. Grief is a really odd thing, waxing and waning on its own schedule. Sometimes the date has no significance and I find myself in a puddle on the floor, missing her with achy arms. I can't promise I will next year, but this year I survived Valentine's Day, even though my sweet baby girl never once left my mind. Maybe this is just part of the process, maybe it was just a good day. I suppose I will never know.

On Kids and Word Vomit

If there's one thing I love about my kids, it is the goofy shit that flies out of their innocent minds on a daily basis. My 5 year old, whom I will call Midge for the duration of this blog, is especially prone to word vomit. This morning, she ran up to me for a hug and says "I love you, my big-head mommy." Gee. Thank you darling daughter! Moments like these I only wish I could retort, "Me, a big-head? Five years ago I could have sworn YOU had the biggest head on the planet," but I quickly realize she doesn't really care about her watermelon head squeezing through my bagel and she would probably vomit from fear or disgust... Maybe even both. Also, to be fair, I hadn't had coffee yet and was hardly awake enough to mumble my love in return. I really worry sometimes about what she will say to other people. Once, she called me old to a lady at the bank. Then there was that time in Target in the dressing room when she asked why my butt had potholes. Yes. Potholes. The entire dressing room erupted in laughter and I sat in there for an HOUR on Facebook waiting for the area to clear out so I could avoid anyone who had heard it. Then there was the time we were in the grocery store and a woman came by on a motorized cart. My daughter, with as much lung power as she could muster, shouted at me from the basket of the cart, "Mommy look! Her legs are too big to work! How come her legs are so big? Is there a baby in her big tummy? Mom?". That woman looked at me like I was the lowest human being on Earth. Umm no kid. No baby. Be quiet.
Society these days tells us that fat is beautiful, embrace it. I'm all for that, and try to avoid using the term fat when speaking to my kids, and yes it was indeed a bid to keep exactly those sorts of situations from happening. Well, here's the thing.. Kids will say -and do- whatever comes into their random little minds. No amount of tact in teaching them about diversity and appreciating diversity will stop them from all out shit-storming you in the grocery store.. And Target.. And the bank.. And at that babysitting interview.. And at the park.. And... Everywhere. Its always at the worst moment, and its always epic. Maybe this only happens to me. Maybe there are little mini Emily Post clone children running around somewhere who know its impolite to rip off a fart next to an old lady in the grocery store and blame it on their little brother. Maybe there are kids out there who don't dig through the trash can for leftovers like an ill mannered puppy. Maybe, but not mine.
My kids will say please and thank you and excuse me. They will (try to) open doors for others and fuss over splitting one cookie three ways so everyone gets a piece. They will hug you when you're sad, and they will chew with their mouths closed when they remember. They'll even shush each other when its time to be quiet, but the second they have a question, it will spring from their mouth faster than you can find the duct tape. Not that duct taping your kid is a good idea, but maybe a strategic cookie muzzle. Huzzah!

What the hell is this dumb blog about anyway?

This blog is about everything and nothing. I'm sure you will find the random tangents of thought fairly interesting, if not amusing. I started this blog in a bid to clear my Facebook page of the 6 mobile pages long tirades I go on if you get me started on a subject. Hence the title. My entire life I have had a person always at the ready to warn others, "Don't get her started. She might never shut up." This person may change throughout the years but the message is always the same. You just asked the human encyclopedia for information. I hope you have an hour to listen to all the nitty gritty details nobody cares about but her.
So how exactly did I end up the walking encyclopedia of useless information that I am today? Well, growing up my best friends were in the pages of books. It started with a love for fiction and spread out into reading anything I could get my hands on. It grew beyond just being an avid lover and consumer of books into consuming anything readable, keeping tidbits I found interesting locked away for future use. My love of reading grew into a love for knowledge, and now here I am. Annoying the shit out of my friends with knowledge of far too many things to be an expert at any one of them. If I could count the number of shut the fuck up looks I receive in an average social engagement I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams.
I have known for a long time that I wanted to be a blog writer. I have dabbled in this before, writing a motherhood blog and maintaining a review blog, but neither brought me the joy I had hoped for. I realized that its in narrowing myself to one specialized topic that brings me failure. So on this blog you may be reading reviews for products I love (or hate, shit happens), a random tirade on a heated topic, or even my life as a mother, and so on. If you're not good with unpredictable, this isn't the blog for you.

To those of you who embrace the unpredictable nature of life, thought, and emotion... I welcome you.